Pandia has had enough of all that corporate mumbo jumbo and marketing yada yada. We want search engine marketing campaigns that really tell you what it is all about.

Here is another search engine marketing ad we would like to see:

---

Black Hat Search Marketing

You have had enough of all the sissy crap! You want results and you want them now! Look no further, Black Hat Marketing has all the magic you need.

There are more than six billion suckers out there, waiting for you to give them the answer to their dreams. It doesn’t matter if you sell get rich quick schemes, adult entertainment, Viagra, or off-the-shelf Ph.D’s: We can provide you with the eyeballs needed to sell all your crap useful products and services.

In one week we will get you:

• 100.000 new cloaked doorway pages optimized for any possible long tail keyword combination in the world, including Britney Spears and “Paris Hilton’s nose hair trimmer”.
• Using our really simple site generator we will add 10.000 pages of high quality content scraped from relevant web sites (Writing original content is a waste of time. After all, all you have to do is to rip a few hundred RSS feeds!).
• We will divide those pages on 1000 new domains with sexy names like www.really-earl-grey-is-not-tea-you-know.biz.
• And that’s not all: In one week you will get 50.000 links from our high quality network of 1 million PR 0 sites.
• And — since we are old school — we will also provide you all the hidden keywords you could dream of.
• Finally we will throw in some free blog comment spam, referrer spam, track-back spam, AND forum spam for good measure.

Are you still not convinced?

Matt Cutts is not your fracking daddy!

We know you are a rebel at heart. You are James Dean with a Jack Nicholson smile. You are a Sith. You do what has to be done, and do not care about all that ethical crap.

This is the capitalism, baby, the American dream, and what really counts is the profit. Everybody else is doing it, so why shouldn’t you?

Ask yourself: What has Google ever done for you (apart from helping you find what you are looking for), really?

Google is just like you, stealing content and bandwidth from others and presenting as its own. And just like you, they fill their pages with Google AdWords text ads. Who are they to tell you what to do?

We have a a quick fix, and it will get you high, high, high!

And that’s not all!

Knowing these tactics you will become the center of any search engine marketing conference.

Sure, all those hypocrites will shun you during the regular sessions, but you don’t want to listen to that crap anyway. Day sessions are for sleeping.

At night, however, all those sexy executive SEO chicks will flock around you trying to seduce you in order to get access to the latest tricks from the dark arts.

But don’t take our word for it!

This is what people say about Black Hat Marketing:

“I can’t stand to think of all the years I have wasted as a white hat. I admit it, the dark side is so much funnier. Oh ah ha ha ha!” (Jill Whalen)

“How many times do I have to say this: Google is cloaking!” (the Fantomaster)

“Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.” (Yoda)

“It’s like, you know, I look so much sexier in a black hat, you know. Cheez!” (Paris Hilton)

“I cant believe it! Thanks to Black Hat Marketing I’m now number one in Google for ‘Lemurian Mahogany Tooth Extensions’” (Happy Customer and Café owner)

“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. � (T.S. Eliot)

Call 800-666 666 now for an offer you cannot refuse. We will give you 10.000 number one positions for a handful of dollars and your soul. But — hey! — you don’t believe in that soul crap anyway, do you!?

Our annoying lawyer has asked us to add this in small print: Kids, do not do this at home! Use of our services will probably get all your sites and domains banned by Google, Yahoo!, Live and Ask as soon as they discover what you are doing, and no less than six month after our strategy has been implemented. Black Hat Marketing is in no way to be held responsible or liable for the actions taken by the aforementioned search engine companies.

---

See also Find your inner Google! (Search marketing ads we would like to see 1)